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Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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So, I’m chillin’ at my place on Ulica Kralja Tomislava, sippin’ my coffee, right? Just me and my laptop, ready to proofread some boring docs. But then, boom! My phone buzzes. It’s my buddy Marko. He’s like, “Dude, let’s hit the river!” I’m like, “What? It’s 9 AM!” But you know how it is. FOMO kicked in hard.

Arsenal Porto Montenegro at the tournament in Metković